My name is Bristol Palin, and this is my heart-wrenching story.
When I was 17, the last thing I’d expected in life was to get pregnant. My mom was on the rise politically, I was practically engaged to the hottest kid in school, and our lives were beginning to change- we were leaving behind our sleepy town in Wasilla for the public eye and constant scrutiny of American politics. It was a daunting prospect, entering this new world, yet so full of promise for our family and what we believed in that we had to press on. But then I found out I had a brand new life inside me, and everything changed.
Daunting became terrifying. I actually did become engaged to the hottest kid in school. The public eye became a tsunami of attention, every day, around the clock. Our lives were upended, and for the first time I had to make some very adult decisions, having barely just become an adult myself.
It was an uncertain time for everyone in our family. Of course, my life has turned out okay since then- I make obscene amounts of money telling kids about the realities of teen pregnancy, I’m extremely attractive, and I serve as an inspirational force to girls everywhere, who are also making very adult choices at a young age and choosing to learn from my mistakes.
There should really be an American Girl Doll based on me. (My publicist’s email is on the dustcover.)
But even though I’m incredibly rich, beautiful and well-connected, and probably will be for the rest of my life, other pregnant girls out there maybe aren’t. And for them I truly sympathize, as I know firsthand how horrifyingly hard it is to raise a child as a teen. It’s a disgusting, relationship-destroying process, which is why it makes such great fodder for teen pregnancy shows on MTV and TLC. However, for the unlucky few of you unable to secure even a basic reality show deal, the struggles could be insurmountable.
But that’s no reason to fret! There’s always light at the end of every tunnel, except for one-ended tunnels, and you have to remember that at the end of the day you have another life depending on you. It needs food and love and a thing to sleep on, and without you it would be helpless. It’s a cruel, cruel world out there. The statistics for feral children never look good. If I’d just released Tripp into the wild, behind our local Wal-Mart- as was so oft discussed on countless political bus tours and long nights strategizing at Denny’s- I sincerely doubt he would have made it. Stronger babies might have a chance, but regardless, it’s your child and your responsibility, no matter how much they cry or crap. It’s stressful, but trust me, it can also be one of life’s greatest joys. And sources of income, sometimes.
Being a teen mother shouldn’t be a death sentence, and there are several successful teen moms out there. Me, for example. I’ve been in People, Vanity Fair and a host of other magazines and tabloids. I was on Dancing With the Stars, the most popular show in the history of American TV, and survived based on my fanbase’s votes alone. I’ve been in scripted TV shows, written books- the one you’re holding, probably- and spoken at events and schools across the country. I mean, I slept with and carried the child of Levi Johnson.
Do you even. Understand. How hot. He is.
What I’m trying to say is, I’ve turned out pretty great so far, despite the scarlet A on my chest and despite the baby I’ve painstakingly cared for all alone, with only the help of my mother and a team of assistants, child psychologists, care specialists and nannies to lean on when times get rough. Teen mothers, teens thinking about becoming mothers, teens looking to tap into the lucrative reality TV career track and teens in general have a lot to learn from my story.
So here it is, in the raw. It’s everything I have to say about everything you’ve read, seen and heard over the years, and it’s the honest-to-God truth, straight from my ghostwriter’s mouth. Let’s set the record straight: I’m gonna show you what it really means to be a Palin mom.
© Bristol Palin® 2011 All Rights Reserved.
