"We’re not America’s mother—and even if we were its mother, it wouldn’t listen to us anyway. If we were like, “America, we just want what’s best for you, and there’s the very real possibility that Vampires Suck will give your eyeballs AIDS,” America would just be all, “You can’t tell me what to do!” and sneak out to see it after we were asleep. Because that’s pretty much what every critic in the country did, and America chose to raw-dog it anyway. Because it’s the American pioneer spirit, and because teenagers need a cool, dark place where they can gather and text each other without the distraction of story, or even discernible punchlines. So thanks to that impudence, the Friedberg/Seltzer machine rolls on. We’ll see you again as soon as they get around to making 3-D Movie, which we’re anticipating the announcement of any second now."